Elegance and the Spittoon

Contributed by Daniel Rogov, wine writer

Ever since Susan Anthony took to the streets, Americans have been talking about equality between the sexes. Despite enormous progress in both awareness and action there is only one place in which women and men have found true equality and that is in the humiliating use of the spittoon.

The question of spitting at wine tastings is one that haunts both men and women, professionals and amateurs alike. Let's start off with one given - spitting can never be elegant. But at wine tastings, especially if you are going to be tasting more wine than you would normally drink, it is one of the few ways of maintaining one's sanity, sobriety, and dignity. For professionals who sometimes taste 40, 50 or even 100 wines at a sitting, it is also a way of assuring that their livers, kidneys and brains will continue to function in some sense of normalcy until they reach a ripe old age.

Georges Duboeuf can spit into a spittoon two meters away from where he is sitting without getting a drop of wine on his shirt, the floor or his neighbor. There are not many, however, who have mastered that odd task. Nevertheless, there are several ways in which you can maintain if not elegance, at least a sense of dignity while spitting:

1. Those just learning to spit will do well to practice at home before trying it in public. Perhaps the best way to do this is to use wine glasses filled first with water, then with white wine and only then with red wine. In this way you can become comfortable with the idea, learn how to spit without dribbling on your clothing and how to spit with just the right amount of force to clear the lips and chin but without so much force that the liquid will spatter back at you.

2. Despite a great many jokes, there is no saving grace whatsoever in being able to spit long distances, even if one does it with great accuracy. Even though Duboeuf pulls it off nicely, that kind of behavior is usually vulgar and is in place primarily with freshmen and sophomores in college fraternity or sorority houses or in old Western movies for those heroes or villains who spit tobacco juice.

3. It is safe to generalize that there are three kinds of spitting vessels - large buckets (sometimes Champagne buckets) that are shared by 3, 4 or even 5 people; smaller vessels, often made of clay, sometimes of metal, that are shared by 2 or 3 people sitting around the same table; and individual spitting buckets, generally of stainless steel or plastic. When using shared buckets, never linger too long over the bucket because this will prevent others from reaching it when they need it. Also with large buckets be careful not to spit with too much force for these tend to splatter rather badly. With individual buckets, many (including myself) prefer to move them fairly close to (but not in contact with) the lips in order to allow for discrete spitting.

3a. Some spitting buckets come to the table with sawdust or wood shavings in the bottom. This is done in order to avoiding the liquid splashing out. Of course as the bucket fills, those shavings are of little help.

3b. If you are going to a tasting and are not sure that spittoons will be provided, bring your own. Many wine accessory shops sell small, attractively designed personal spittoons and these are a good investment. If during the tasting your small spittoon becomes too full, simply go to the kitchen or the washroom there to clean and refresh it.

4. Be sure to have either a handkerchief or paper napkins on hand for dabbing the lips and when necessary to gently dab off the few drops that may make their way to the chin. My own habit is to take at least two perfectly clean handkerchiefs with me to tastings.

5. If your spitting vessel becomes too full, either from spitting or from rinsing glasses in between tastings, ask that it be refreshed or that a new one be brought to you. Your request will be seen as a sign of intelligent behavior.

6. If you encounter a situation where reaching the spitting bucket is difficult, spit gently into the water glass that has been provided for you and from time to time simply dump that into the larger bucket.

7. Keep in mind that no-one is a "perfect spitter" and a bit of dribbling happens to everyone from time to time. When this does happen, or if you happen to drop a bit of wine on your clothing, do not make a public issue of it. With white wine simply dab it dry with a clean handkerchief or napkin; with red, simply sprinkle the stain with salt and rub the salt it in gently as that will probably allow the stain to come out easily in the next laundry. There is no need to apologize or to declare aloud how clumsy you are. The probability is that no one noticed anyhow and if they did they really don't care for they know full well it happens to them as well. No matter how proficient you may become at spitting, be sure to always have at least two clean handkerchiefs ready at hand for use when needed.

8. At formal tastings, silence is generally the rule but at friendly tastings a good deal of discussion may be taking place. Be sure not to tell jokes during tastings for if the man or woman sitting opposite at you bursts out in laughter with a mouth full of wine that wine will never find its way to the spittoon but will surely make quite a mess of your face, hair and clothing.

9. If there is television crew nearby, let them photograph you while spitting only if you have a passion for making a fool of yourself in public. Believe me, you will not enjoy seeing yourself that way. If the crew insists on photographing, simply turn your back on the camera as you spit.

10. There is probably no professional who has not encountered questions dealing with what happens when the wines we are tasting are "so great that it is a sin to spit them." Not too long ago, for example, I attended a tasting of the wines of the Domaine de la Romanee-Conti in which all but two of the wines received scores of 95 or higher! Simple enough - if tasting more than six or seven wines you spit regardless of the quality of the wine. As you do that, pray to whatever God or gods you may believe in that there will be at least some of the one you enjoyed the best left over at the end of the tasting. With that glass in hand you sit back and drink comfortably. In my case, it was a 1995 La Tache that remained. I had no complaints whatever.

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Daniel Rogov is the Wine and Food Critic of HaAretz newspaper in Israel. He is also the author of Rogov's Guide to Israeli Wines and a regular contributor to Tom Stevenson's Wine Report and Hugh Johnson's Pocket Wine Book. His wine and gastronomy internet site and forum can be found at http://www.stratsplace.com/rogov/home.html

Comments

[N. Smay]

Thanks for paying attention to an area of wine tasting that so often goes undiscussed! I'm never quite sure how to do this discreetly, and your tips surely help! Now if I can just get past my own inherent desire to swallow every bit of wine that passes my lips. I think that mentality comes from my parents constantly insisting that I finish everything, since there were people starving in China. I never did really understand how me getting fat would help them...

[Fredric Koeppel]

One problem at large trade tastings, where there may be dozens, if not hundreds of people trying to taste hundreds of wine, is the guy (it's usually a guy) who stands in front of the spit bucket provided for each table, gabbing with the winemaker or PR person or whoever, trying to make a good impression while you're trying to reach around him or elbow him out of the way to get to the spit bucket. Sometimes you can't be nice about these things.

[Mary Baker]

So true. Ah, the spit bucket stories. Back when I was working for Wild Horse, the assistant winemaker and I were pouring at a large tasting. The organizers had supplied us with two clear plastic pitchers--one for water, and one for spitting. Apparently when my back was turned, a man came up and poured himself some of the pinkish brack, sniffed, swirled and TASTED it, then went over to his female companion and offered her a taste! Jon was getting his ear bent by a fan and couldn't break away from him. I was horrified when he told me later, and I asked him why he didn't stop the man. "What was I supposed to do" he replied, "Run after him yelling, 'Sir, you're drinking our swill?'"